If you’re married or in a long-term relationship, this letter will let your mate know that she has completely handcuffed your heart, mind, and body—but that you’re enormously happy being her prisoner of love, with no plan to escape, ever. This playful letter isn’t written to sexually arouse her so much as it is to reassure her of your eternal commitment to the relationship. Contains funny analogies to criminal justice (with you cast in the role of criminal “bad boy.”
Product Rating: PI (politically incorrect content)
Product Warnings: Exercise care and use good judgment in deciding to whom you give this love letter (otherwise you might get your face slapped or be visited by the police). SEND ONLY TO SOMEONE WHO YOU ARE REASONABLY CERTAIN WILL WELCOME AND APPRECIATE IT.